An Essay..

On the use of “Y’all” and other phrases to be said by humans in the presence of other humans after I leave Ohio.

By Brent Warwick

Dear Ipsonian humans,

Candidly, I’m super busy with a lot on my plate and I have a crap-ton of emails to go through, but this has been on my radar for a while. Our disparate views on the proper use of y’all is ostensibly alarming to me with a broad-stroke. Let’s raise the water the level. This is about human flourishing, it must be, because I’m much older than I look. No seriously... I’m old. I have 4 kids and no bandwidth, and only one good hip, y’all. But I have been to Japan. Therefore, it is crucial we implement the trajectory of the tangential use of y’all in a genius way into our DNA and culture to ensure the tribal knowledge and flourishing of our humans, and all other humans who enter our space. I’m raving fans of y’all, and I know all y’alls will get y’all instituted and templitized into the language of y’all after I leave y’all. Y’all get that? If not, I’ll have to sell Silas and buy a Winnebago to travel like a Nomad across the south, but I’m sure I won’t get Suzy on board with that. Hold on... I just broke the inter web again... okay, got it. Thanks Joe.... This is super interesting, y’all, and mind-blowing, so don’t drop the ball on this because it matters. Don’t hug me, just follow my lead, y’all, like I led the departure at Shawshank. Raving fans of things that matter, when matter matters like y’all matters, is what y’all must facilitate in the process of mattering, and y’all using y’all in a way that matters in my absence, substantially with the use of y’all, and other articulate articulated phrases to be spoken by humans in the presence of other humans for the purpose of human flourishing. What happened to the music? Who’s in charge of the playlist right now? I just need to get the kite off the ground, okay? Or, we’ll have to table it for later. Like when I was technologically challenged, or rowing for Clemson, did I allude to, refer to, mention, the mere fact that I went to Clemson? Well, y’all, I went to Clemson, and I used to be a street-baller. And who else NEEDS a milkshake right now? I need a milkshake like David R**** needs to calm down. Do you sense the insatiable irony in that? I will add no further commentary, because I have to jump on a call, and be a proponent for things that matter to humans, y’all. Are you kidding me right now?! I was at TJ Maxx last night after stopping at World Market and the Bomb Shelter to network the shit out of those places. I crafted a field marshall, boss-like response to the invested crafting of craftsmanship of craft in their establishments and the nugget tray is on the way, but my little humans will be habitating the space and running around, hope that’s okay y’all, but I’ll just shut them in the blue room with a movie. It’s uncanny, because once we move, if we ever sell the house, I won’t be here with y’all anymore except for one week a month, and even that can matter like y’all matters in the culture of our raving DNA. I could really go for a milkshake right now. Here’s the thing, y’all... it is what it is. Put that on my tombstone.

Love, your fearless leader, boss, and fellow human,

-b